The FBI’s radical negotiating technique

What if there was a radically better, secret way of negotiating that could get you almost everything you want in the negotiation without having to give up anything?

It sounds kind of crazy. But the FBI actually developed this system to convince terrorists to release hostages unharmed and couldn't legally give them anything in return.

Every single day we have to deal with tenants, boards, sellers, buyers, brokers, and it's a constant negotiation. When most people think about negotiations, they think about - okay, this person wants X, I want Y, what's the middle ground?

But in reality, what the FBI figured out is that what people really want is not the thing they're negotiating for - it's to be understood and heard.

How do you use the FBIs negotiating strategy in a real estate context?

Break the strategy into key parts. The first is simply asking really good questions and actually listening to the responses.

Next, you're making them feel heard by restating back to them what they're thinking, but you actually want to use their words. It's called mirroring.

Use their words to diffuse the situation.

Some tenant calls you. They're irate, screaming at you, saying their hot water was out. I couldn't take a shower. I couldn't fall asleep. I was exhausted the next day. It ruined my entire day.

You affirm you heard them correctly - The hot water was out last night. Literally disrupted your sleep, and then you woke up, you were exhausted, and couldn't get any of your work done the next day.

Just repeating back the person's words reaffirms their point of view and makes them feel seen and heard. It diffuses anger and tension.

And once somebody's amygdala, their fear center, is turned off, they're much more rational and open to hearing arguments. That is when you state your case and make your offer, and you want to make them precise, not rounded.

Be precise.

"You know what? I'll offer you $2,500." That has a different feeling than when you say. "Well, the best I really can do is $2,511.35", which is really the amount that it would cost us to fix the leak. When you give a precise number, even if it's a made up number, it feels more real and legitimate.

Together, these techniques may sound obvious, but in the vast majority of debates, people forget every single one of these and revert to their emotional tendencies - not asking questions, not listening, restating your own opinions and emotions, and just throwing in an offer that feels like it's somewhere in the middle.

If you can avoid these tendencies and really make the other person feel understood and heard, you're almost certain to end up in a vastly better position in the end.

If the FBI can regularly get hostages returned unharmed without giving up anything, you can certainly get a good outcome negotiating with your least favorite tenant.